Dementia
by Skitts
Summary: Zim and Alice talk. :crack'd oneshot: Because everybody's mad in Wonderland.


**D E M E N T i A --------------------------------- ****»» **

**x) **_because everybody's mad in wonderland. _

**(x) (X) (x) **

"Are you going to sit down?" she asked politely, gesturing loosely towards the vast collection of chairs scattered haphazardly around the pink tablecloth'd table.

The first thing he'd seen when he'd walked into that garden _was_ the table. It was gigantic. It was colossal. It was _bizarre_. But that was hardly to be expected; everything here was messed up in one way or another.

Like it was the most normal thing in the world to be directed to seven or eight nowheres and a couple of dead-ends by a purple-and-pink feline who could take off its head. Huh. Stupid, geographically challenged cat.

It took a few seconds for him to actually find the source of the sweet, girlish voice, his shocking pinky-red eyes travelling down along the vast expanse of pink material and chipped china until they reached the owner of the voice.

A little girl. A _human _girl, if he wasn't very much mistaken. Humans really did try to worm their ways into every single undiscovered nook and cranny. And, for the most part, they succeeded. He wondered idly if she could take her head off as well. What with the whimsical atmosphere of the place it would seem only fitting.

Her hair was bright blonde, fringe pulled back via a black headband. The very image of innocence. She even stuck her pinky finger out when taking sips of tea from her cup.

The table was much, much, _much_ too big for such a little girl. She looked lonely. Lonely and boredy and dreamy and vague and about a hundred other things beside.

She looked human, too. Can't forget human. And he _hated_ humans.

"Well? Are you going to take a seat?" she inquired again, staring straight at him, seeming unfased by the green skin and antennae. Maybe she was so far away she simply couldn't see. Maybe she was a typical human-like stink beast who remained happily oblivious to everything and everyone around her. Or maybe, just _maybe_, she'd been sat at that table drinking tea and conversing with headless cats for so long she'd become immune to those stupid human traits. Even if there was an alien stood by your table there was no use _freaking_ about it and then trying to arrange for an autopsy. Might as well smile politely and invite them to sit down and have a drink. There **was** a headless cat on the prowl outside, after all.

She didn't act like the other children from earth; her acceptance of the strange and paranormal set them apart by years. Lightyears. Galaxies She could run rings around every single child at skool, even the more intelligent ones that got straight As and kicks to the stomach for being 'nerds'.

Her attitude was refreshing, to say the least. A pleasant surprise when compared to the numerous _un_pleasant ones that had plagued him through this strange world. Falling down rabbit holes he could handle (to a certain degree). But he drew the line at decapitated kitties.

He walked over to where she sat, one hand around the handle of her cup, one positioned neatly in her lap. The ludicrously oversized chair (well, it matched the table) seemed so big that she was in danger of being _eaten_, but she paid the strange imagining no heed. Maybe she'd imagined it already; there couldn't be much to do in her position save for pouring yourself another cup of tea and thinking. Imagining. Dreaming. Wishing you were somewhere else.

She had that wishy-washy, not-quite-here-and-not-quite-there look about her, eyes straying up the sky every so often with a look of yearning. She'd been there, done and got the free T-Shirt, but there was still so very much more she did not know, so very much more she needed to imagine.

He wondered if she was thinking of space. All that space above her head and no way to get to it. Curiosity killed the cat, you know.

Curiosity suited her.

"My name is Alice," she greeted politely, proffering her hand. "And yes, I _am_ a little girl, no, I'm not a serpent, and yes, I'm probably crazy. How do you do?"

"Well… Um… My name's Zim and I'm an alien sent from a distant planet to destroy Earth," he replied, shaking her hand. The movement wasn't tentative, he didn't shudder into her touch and there was no horrible aftermath in which he screamed, cursing under the names of his Tallest and _sometimes_ waffles because the 'Almighty Hand of Ziiimmm' came into contact with a _filthy_ human worm-baby.

She wasn't a filthy human worm-baby at all. She had introduced herself as Alice, and Alice she would stay.

She wasn't like a normal girl. He wasn't sure _what_ she was, but she was far, far, _far_ from normal.

That was probably why she didn't even bat an eyelid at their bizarre introduction, smiling placidly like somebody had told her something ordinary and every-day, like the weather forecast.

"Nice to meet you. Would you like some tea?" she asked, face sincere. "It never runs out, you see, and I am growing quite sick of repetition. However, there is nothing else in forms of nourishment but what you see before you. I would much rather prefer jam, but there are rules here: you can have jam tomorrow and yesterday, but _never_ jam today." Here she broke off from her little recitation, large blue staring up into the sky. She tutted. "Pity, really."

Zim wasn't all too normal himself, so it wasn't like he minded her one-sided ramblings particularly. It was much more interesting hearing this girl talk to her head about nothing and everything than the female specimens at the skool who spoke boyfriends and make-up and mobile phones and things he didn't quite understand but sounded astoundingly dull.

Zim **did** understood crazy, however. He understood crazy _very_ well.

He had a feeling he and Alice were going to get along just fine.

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**a/n:** har. alice in wonderland + invader zim is complete crack and i luff it XD. i have randomly decided alice x zim is a kyute pairing, because i'm weird and cool and awesome like that. yeahhh… so, um, enjoy this piece of weird, whimsical crack. i enjoyed writing it XP.

**skitts xxx **


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